Getting you muddy, one person at a time

Triathletes are renowned for skipping around puddles so as not to get their pretty white trainers dirty. There has been a rash of opportunities to get muddy recently, and as Mark Campbell said to us once "we're on a mission to get triathletes' shoes dirty, one athlete at a time", so let's see how we got on.

Before we get to the mud, a quick mention on Laura Keefe, who was second in her age-group at IM Florida a couple of weeks ago. She also qualified for Kona, and has the advantage of havng nearly a year to train and taper properly for it. This was also her first stab at the distance, and caps off an amazing year of racing for Laura. Congratulations.

So, like so many pre-schoolers, back to the mud!

We're please to see so many of you embracing dirt in the off-season. Firstly the Cuddly Coyote Trail Race, an event which the Advertising Standards Authority may have to get involved in given the possibly misleading and ambiguous use of the word "Trail" in the title.

The triathletes present were given a send-off by Cookie McScotch, the "award" for the Tartan Tally/Cookie Counter smack-down between Mark "Cookie Monster" Campbell and Ron"McScotch" McDougal. Ron tells us that Cookie McScotch will be travelling with him on his racing adventures from now on, kinda like the Travelocity gnome but with less hat, so we look forward to seeing Cookie in exotic locations. For now, Bikes and Beans in Tantallon will have to do;

Among the TNSers at Cuddly Coyote were Darlene Chapman and Provincial Champ Heather Doucette;

Bev Richardson, Tammy Slaunwhite and Judy Allen;

Ron MacDougal (getting taxonomically confused wearing his bluenose Bunny ears to a coyote race and what appeared to be autumn tartan camouflage) and Cyclesmith Du winner Jamie Haynes;

No adventure-type race in NS would be complete without Cookie Monster himself, here with a cookie;

Mark said he wasn't a race-organiser per se, more an ad hoc technical director. We think that his duties in this regard extended to eyeballing the course and saying "nah, not technical enough";

Here are Mark and Ron together with Steve Saunders listening to the race-briefing ("if you find a trail, well done, we didn't put one in")...

...and finally, a couple more of Ron with Brigitte Saborin and iRon Allen.

Then, of course, there's the ongoing saga of Cyclesmith's Kona Kup-A-Soup Cyclocross series. After several years, we finally got our "epic" 'cross picture. Terry Tomlin says it has a touch of the Mount Suribachiis about it and Dan Utting wanted to know what the theme-music is; we're going with Just Like You imagined by Nine Inch Nails, or maybe the Johnny Cash version of Hurt ("I hurt myself today, To see if I still feel, I focus on the pain, The only thing that's real").

We're not the only muppet getting epic down Seaview Lookoff Park each Sunday morning in the name of bicycle-portage. We saw Navy Tridents Prez Harry Reddin there last week (no photo unfortunately). Then there's Tim Brooks (we're pretty sure that's Tim under that muck, it's Tim's number-plate)....

...and Gerrad Lewin, who must be wondering why there aren't barriers across the bike course hiding a mud-pit when he races Continental Cups. You've got to admit, that would certainly enliven the race a bit!

If it looks epic, it's because it is!

Speaking of epic, slightly farther away, and presumbaly somewhat warmer, Chris Waldron took on La Ruta de los Conquistadores, a 4 day, 360km MTB stage-race in Costa Rica with 14000 m of climbing. Yikes. Makes The Moose seem flat. Anyway, he finished in 108th place with a time of 32:50, far from DFL and even got his picture on Cyclingnews.com (Chris is Plate#318)!

Chapeau Chris!

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Pick up, you're (at) cross and follow me.

Thanks to Andrew Armstrong at OAT for that, he asked "are there any good Nova Scotian 'cross songs, 'cos I found this one from Belgium". We think it means "Cyclocross Goes Through" but it might also means "Cyclocross through your arse". Given my Dutch extends to "hello", "that's nice", "you're an arse", "do you understand" and "goodbye" (which is a pretty coherent, if short, conversation in it's own right) then perhaps we're not the best authority!

We were as surprised as you were to find it was country. Instead of getting all pumped up to hard indie rock it just makes it all seem vaguely comical; but hey, that's Belgium for you.

You can just imagine them rocking out to that in Oostcamp. Then again, there has to be a reason that Duvel is 8.5% ABV and we think we just found it.

So, no good Bluenoser 'cross songs but Java Jim Diakos did put some images of '08 Provincials to Johnny Cash's Hurt.

That gravelly noise, that's my knees (hubs/headset/bottom-bracket/bottom - delete as appropriate).

What is 'cross? It's modified road bikes on mud. It's huge in Belgium. Of course, mullets are still considered cutting-edge coiffeury in Belguim and they cut montages of Sven Nys to specially-written country songs, but don't let that put you off. Hipsters all over North America are itching to do it, which tells you it's where it's at.

I think for triathletes we're well positioned for cyclocross. Sure, it requires bike handling skills we notoriously don't have; if there's one thing missing from a 'cross course it will be a nice flat, straight section where you can get into your tuck and carefully meter out your effort.

However, 'cross is a balls-out (sorry ladies, but ladies are more than welcome here) effort more akin to your 10k effort. If your lungs and legs are burning and there's an uncomfortable taste of blood in the back of your throat, then you're doing it right. We have heard roadies say "I can rode at 32 kph all day but I can't do a 45 minute cross race without puking". So as triathletes who have been ripping up the 10 k and half-marathon circuit since the season finished a month ago, a 45 minute all-out, up-chucking effort is right up our collective street.

What, exactly, is an all out effort. Here is a for-real graph of the TA at a 'cross race.

Yup, 181 average hr.

As a 40 y.o.,technically our max hr should be 180. So much for rules of thumb! It's not just me; everyone we know who has ever taken a hr monitor has been initially shocked at the effort it took, and are then perversely proud. Consider it a free (or reasonably inexpensive) VO2Max/maxHR test When was the last time you were red-lined at >180 av for 45 minutes? Probably at a 10K. At least you can tackle most of the 'cross sitting down.

For equipment? It's more fun on a cross-bike (boing is for wussies) but you can use an MTB if you wish, just take the bar-ends off first (this is a mass-start event). Unless you're Antar, don't bother dressing up; we've raced at 0C in essentially summer kit. What makes 'cross different from, say, the short-track MTB races is the requirement to lift and carry your bike over obstacles. In order to keep your momentum up, then you also have to do flying dismounts, flying mounts and run with the bike. These are skills we have as triathletes that your average roadie might not have. So we might be sketchy on the mud, gravel, roots, rocks and grass but we can make up for this deficiency with our own sport's bike-handling skills, not to mention the ability to red-line for 45 minutes without puking (too profusely). Trust us here, you will reap what you have sowed.

A quick word with the guys here; you ladies or those of a sensitive disposition go to the end and find out where the 'cross races are this year.

Are we alone? Great. So guys, sure you can do a flying mount. You do them at tris. You do, what, four, five tris a year? That's four or five flying mounts a year. In a 'cross race you'll be doing a flying mount every three or four minutes for 45 minutes. At some point the, ahem, boys are going to get a knock. And when I say knock, I mean leaping into the air and landing testicle-side up on a seat not known for it's padding. I'm not saying that ladies aren't immune to perineal ouchitide at the 'cross, but the TA can't speak to that from experience; this, we can! On the whole, this is ironic as we usually ride our bike to get away from the occasional shot to the gonads that life seems fit to throw our way, so to get them when riding seems to be an extra f.u. from life. Anyway, there's nothing you can do to prevent this inadvertent testicular squeezitude except practice and try to do that thing karate masters are reputed to be able to do. At least it will be cold out there!

Welcome back all. So, you want to tri it? Good for you. Well do a have good news for you. Our friends at Cyclesmith host Nova Scotia's only cross series, right here in Halifax. It'll look a bit like this vid from last years race.

Hey, you're one up on those hipsters already; you know now not to wear your skinny jeans and messenger bag. Right?

It's at Seaview Lookoff Park at 10 this Sunday for the next five Sundays. Go to the end of Novalea, ride under the bridge (down the steep hill, don't worry, you'll be coming back up here later!) and follow the caution tape/sound of cowbells/trail of vomit.

It looks like they sketched a course in there. All the usual crowd-pleasers; two climbs, a steep carry and a couple of suicidal descents. Yeah!

There's a kid's race too, but we think they will take the barriers out (seeing they are higher than your average child). Come for some lung-burning, leg-aching and (occasionally) eye-watering fun. The magazines will try to tell you this is an excellent way to maintain post-season form blah blah, but you know, don't drag the t-word into this. Come and do it for the hell of it, for the kicks of it. Yes, I know that 30 kph on the road seems pedestrian yet 30 kph off-road feels positively suicidal but, as the man said, do one thing each day that scares you.

You probably won't need the sunscreen this Sunday though.

See you there

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