Triathlon Overtraining Syndrome

Here is a colour association test for you. Choose between green and black as the most appropriate response;

*Field

*Grass

*Tree

*Hedge

*Tarmac

If you answered 'black' to more than one of these then you are suffering from "Triathlon Overtraining Syndrome" aand should seek expert advice immediately. Symptoms include walking with the head down, inability to turn the head more than 30 degrees to the side and an uncontrollable urge to never walk more thaan 25 metres in a straight line without turning around.

There are other warning signs of course, such as having no friends and buying lots of washing powder. To help anyone who thnks they may be suffering from this most unfortunate ailment, here is a checklist of things you should know;

1) It is not mandatory to swim up nd down in a pool. Swimming across is permitted, indeed some people have been known to swim in no particular direction for minutes at a time

2) Bicycles are capable of travelling less than 20 kilometres in any journey. They are happy going out for short trips and will not become agitated if leant against a wall for quite long periods of time.

3) In towns and cities many of the roads hve been decorated with street furniture. Some of this is very pretty and includes lights which change colour from time to time. You may have noticed that many people behave oddly and stop moving when one particular colour lights up.

4) Despite the concerted efforts of planning departments, some parts of Nova Scotia remain relatively rural. Consequently many roads are only a few metres wide and are bordered by the countryside. The countryside, if you recall, comprises hedges, trees and fields and is usully coloured green (this is helpful feedback for those who scored poorly in the quiz).

5) Human beings have a form of locomotion known as "walking". This is not an illegal act and is carried out by consenting adults in public on many occasions.

If even one of these things was a surprise to you, it my be too late. But do not loose hope, because although there is no known cure, careful nursing and a suitable rehabilitation programme can do much to improve the condition. The good news is you are not alone. Why do you think the governing body has thoughtfully provided five-year age-groups? There are hundred of us who have had the condition for years.

Anyone who would like counselling for this debilitating condition should contact "Triathlon Overtraining Anonymous". Any member of the executive will have the number.

AD